#12 Then they smile and float away

It’s strange how for many of us, our privilege to fly was in fact earned for us by others who complied to stay.

I ask, “But how am I to get up to you?”

They answer, “Come to the edge of the earth, lift up your

hands to the sky, and you will be taken up into the clouds.”

“My mother is waiting for me at home,” I say,
“How can I leave her and come?”

Then they smile and float away.

Clouds and Waves by Rabindranath Tagore

I first read the above lines in 2016 while away from home. I didn’t realize it was an excerpt and that the poem didn’t end there. The abrupt end of it came as a cold shock, as if the last line served to close any possibilities, implying the child never left. Yet the brevity of it hit harder – that the clouds understood and left as soon as they had arrived – that there was no discussion, only a simple thought backed by a young boy’s emotion and rationale. It was as if Tagore meant life was usually that simple.

I was 22 then and more free than I’ve ever been. It was more than what many I knew could afford with their time and obligations, and I was quite aware of it. The lines hit hard because I do know people tied to homes, as well as others that leave homes and not entirely out of choice. My mother always said – well she says many things – but one was about how children are like little birds, to be kept in their nests only until they grow wings. And then we let them fly away.

It’s strange how for many of us, our privilege to fly was in fact earned for us by others who complied to stay.

I googled the poem today to see if I felt anything differently now. I was surprised to see there were more stanzas and that wasn’t the end as I’d thought. I still think it can form a whole, just startlingly short, cold and real.

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#11 D.R.E.A.M.S

Way out of dreams

Some days I have bad dreams –
Unpleasant places/people
They never end well
Yet it’s usually worse when I wake up

You’d think a way out is to not dream
But that’s tricky
An easier one would be to not wake up
But that’s impious and rude

Now I simply don’t sleep

Image Credits : My deep learning class, Google and Van Gogh

An evening of sad songs

Ah the good songs and places and things people ruin for us

I wish I didn’t have a headache from lying in bed
Listening to sad songs
Crying
About the old lover, over an estranged parent
It wasn’t meant to go far
But you know how it is on Saturday evenings
One thing leads to another
And before you know it, you’ve taken it one too far.

Ruined what could have been a perfectly nice night
Sipping sweet lime soda with no bubbles in it
The way I like it

This song here, he hated how everyone was singing or talking about it
And I knew I’d ruin it if I translated for him
We’d both hate it in fact.
So I told him it was a nice song
Not how it sounded like us.

Ah the good songs and places and things people ruin for us
The old lover, with his unnecessary soft singing between kisses
That you swoon over, only to break your heart in later
And a parent with their loving lullabies
That later turned too cold and distant and everything in between

The songs come back sooner or later, when one day you think
To revisit the goodness that once was
That you’re ready.
Perhaps not never though, on a less sad note –
Maybe just not tonight.

So it could’ve been a perfect Saturday night sipping sweet lime soda
The way I like it with the bubbles all out
I simply got it all wrong, again.

Featured image : Bawra mann

#7 And never grow up

Remember when you were a kid and fell sick? The whole world just reduced to a bed-ridden little you wrapped in blankets and your mother who sat by your bed and attended to you 24×7, who showed up by your side every 2 hours with oranges, ORS and medicine while you ate and drank everything she asked you to even while making faces? You knew she was going to make it right.

Or how even after growing up, on a really bad day the world could reduce to essentially just that?

Yea.

Civilization

“When I have kids, I’m going to raise them in the forest until they’re like 8-9 years old, then introduce them to urban society and ask them to pick between the two the life they’d like to live. I’d give them choice, not the illusion of it.”

“I’m not a fan of civilization myself,” says George.

Get Your Sunshine Back

If they tell you you were the best and the rasam-est kid ever, they’re lying. That kid was me.

Some of us were born with the sun shining out of our asses.

And with the stories we saw or the stories we lived,

Slowly the world sucked all of our sunshine out, soon filling us up with its shit.

And then they asked us, Why are you so full of it?

 

The day you remember what you once were

Push it all back out.

The day you remember what you once were,

Go get your sunshine back. There’s still tons of it left in the world.

Hello, My Name is Ugly. No, you don’t have to call me Beautiful.

So save the sugarcoated BS for another day, another soul And I’ll take your compliment with a smile
Give me some credit for being ‘strong’ – I’ve lived with this for a while.

HELLO MY NAME IS UGLY

Do not be fooled when they tell you
You’re ‘something but and beautiful’-
You’re fat, strong and beautiful
You’re skinny, enduring and beautiful
It just means you aren’t good-looking
It means they’re happy to not be switching lives.

I’ll let that sink in.

I’ve been called something
With a side of beautiful, for far too long
“For your soul” they said
But they haven’t even heard my story yet.

You know what I’d like to hear?
What they really mean.
So tell me I look ugly
Tell me I’m not the fairest nor prettiest
Nor anywhere close to being lovely
And I would thank you for not being nice
It’s not an insult to me, nor do I find it impolite.

Tell me I don’t fit into any of the
Boxes you’ve created
It’s alright
For a box with my name on it isn’t to have your signature
But mine.

So save the sugarcoated BS for another day,
Another ‘soul’
And I’ll take your compliment with a smile.
Give me some credit for being ‘strong’ –
I’ve lived with this for a while.
Ugly is aesthetic and I can deal with that
Know that I too am happy not exchanging lives.

And I maybe inspiring, I maybe wise, I maybe all that YOU claim I am
But please do not call me beautiful just yet.

I haven’t even shared with you my story yet.

Sleep deprived –

Day 1 – “I’m just feeling a little tired, and a lot sleepy in the afternoon”

Day 2 – “Just a little tired”

Rest of the week – “Oh I’m killing this. Guess I’m just one of those people that can live on 3 hours of sleep a day. I KNEW IT!”

Saturday – *collapses*
*doesn’t get out of bed for 4 days*

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