Guilt and Unlearning – East of Eden

Last week I met somebody who made me grateful and appreciative of life again. I think all of us meet people who, sometimes even unbeknownst to them, play such roles in our life, in whatever small ways. And of course it’s subjective.

Maybe you meet someone who dances like a dream and stretches your imagination, maybe someone by their demeanor evokes a warmth in you like no other, maybe someone is just really kind and restores your faith in humanity after your brief but very personal rift with mankind. My point being, it’s as much about you as it is about them.

And while I’ve been shocked / disappointed / impressed / amused by both people and circumstances during in my time in Atlanta and even in this country, this was the first time I’d met someone like this person. The details are irrelevant. But the fact is everything immutable in our life, we usually accept because we have to. Also because denial doesn’t help and one can only fight reality for so long before you have to move forward with it.

I do not know when it was drilled into my brain that one must be grateful for everything life gives you, that one must be grateful for all parts of life and not just some of it. But I can accept everything and everyone life gives me, sure, but gratefulness I might scrape for at the bottom of my barrel and still not find any for some things. And that’s okay. I wish whoever taught me that lesson years ago knows this, cos otherwise it’s a long, tiring battle with oneself. Uncovering and unlearning old lessons has been my recent pastime. I maybe wrong but life’s hard enough and faith shouldn’t make it harder.

Life’s also too short to fight with oneself, especially if your mind and body are united in the fight and when those are two things to be grateful for everyday. Our loads needn’t be heavier than what we already carry.

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This is put together from East of Eden which I’m reading currently :

“Don’t you see?” he cried. “The American Standard translation ‘Do thou rule over him (sin)’ orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt rule over him,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest rule over him’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?

Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt.’ Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’!

It is easy out of laziness, out of weakness, to throw oneself into the lap of deity, saying, ‘I couldn’t help it; the way was set.’ But think of the glory of the choice! That makes a man a man. A cat has no choice, a bee must make honey. There’s no godliness there. 

East of Eden, John Steinback

I’m not Christian and I haven’t read the Bible to attest to the accuracy of what’s quoted from it or their varied interpretations, but all three of these are lessons I’ve heard from my own people at different times in life – sometimes imparted to me, all of them held in high regard in different contexts. Even the vastly unrealistic Thou shalt rule over sin is a take at least a few people I know still uphold in adulthood, and I myself have battled with them way too many times. If not in these definite terms then surely they’ve been the moral backbone of many a mental strife I’ve had. So it was a joy to read this passage in East of Eden and I had to pause for a bit.

To me, the biggest takeaway from this is that free will exists. I’m sure what you take away from any reading depends on your state of mind and your own internal monologues at the time, but the agency of choice means that while you are allowed to fight to overcome sin, you may also take credit for whatever you do accomplish – it is yours to take and celebrate, for you chose it. On the other hand, the lack of it being an order also means one doesn’t have to be so bogged down by the goal that life becomes too heavy to bear. That life is worth living even if you fail to overcome evil, whatever evil may mean to you.

Like I said I had to stop reading after the chapter, this book has been such a joy to read so far.